Expectations

I always thought that time helps you get over things, but now I wonder if it just helps you distant yourself from the pain. Are there things in our life that we just can't get over no matter how hard we try? In my life there are many people I've forgiven, many I've cut out of my life, many I’ve been “cold” too but only on the surface. At times I look back at situations and know that I was able to “get over” a situation but only because I've removed the person from my life (blocking them on FB or avoiding coming into contact with them as best as possible except when absolutely necessary). However, today I was reminded of  particular people that make me react in a very illogical way. I was heading to an event and thought about the possibility of encountering them and naturally a wave of anger surged through the back of my neck. These people are and will forever be associated with a betrayal.

I can handle about almost anything except betrayal. That sends me over the edge and takes me a very long time to move past in even the slightest. It even brings me to a dark side of myself that makes me very uncomfortable.

I am not in that state now, but to know that those feelings still linger…I don't know…it makes me wonder if true progress has been made. I think so, however, there is that idealistic side of me that thinks I should shed the anger and be completely at peace.

I am making my way to the event nervous as to how I will react and the aftermath. Even if these individuals are not there, those associated with them will be. I am confident though that I am in a much more mature mindset than I was a few years ago when the events took place. Perhaps that mindset is my peace and the emotions that are necessary to experience will be dealt with accordingly due to it.

-V.

Donte BrownComment