The house that built me

 

Hello stranger... Its me again.   I know this week I have been having a lot to say ,but I just don't have anyone else to talk to.   You have to understand when I'm feeling depressed I don't trust anyone I also feel paranoid that no one cares about what I have to say or that they will use my moment of weakness as something to hurt me.   So I can have a bit more of your time for a conversation?   I promise it won't take long. 

Me and my Grandmother

From time to time I think about you and it makes me smile.   I use old quotes you use to say to me while growing up ,but now that I'm older I know what each one means.   I guess I'm growing up and becoming wise?   As I'm living this life that I would never believe that I would live I take the lessons you taught me and apply them to my life.   Its hard being a strong black man and you would say "I know baby ,but you have to be strong and put your trust in GOD."   I hated when you say things like that ,because at the moment I didn't see how that would solve anything that I was going threw.   How I miss the sayings you use to say how I miss you dragging me to church and asking me after church "What was the message the pastor was trying to explain?" I would reply "I don't know something about live for GOD?."   I knew what he saying I just wanted to pick a fight with you ,because I had misplaced anger and ,because you was the only person who ever showed me love I would fight you for it.   I didn't understand it than ,but I remember you saying "Donte its okay... take out your anger on me I love you and I will always love you." As I was yelling at you "I hate you, I don't love you, I can't wait to be grown."  You was building my broken house brick by brick my broken body you seen how society treats black men and you didn't want anything bad to happen to me you always made sure to remind me to not give society a third strike.   "Listen is ain't no game your black first and than your gay don't give them another strike to take you out."   You built me to be a warrior to be a GOD fearing man, you built me to be educated, you built me to be exceptional, you built me to be a protector, a leader, you built me to be powerful.   You shape me form the all the struggles you endured the ugliest situations you lived and sculpted something beautiful that GOD himself is proud of, you crafted my personality and made sure I wouldn't be like the many men who denied you access for a better further you made sure that I would know how to recognize greatness and not fear it,  you alone raised a survivor.    Now that your gone staying alive is a struggle this brokenness inside myself has expanded and I don't know how much longer I can keep going.   How I miss the quotes and the bible studies night on Tuesdays.   How I miss all the soul food and love that you gave to everyone who who needed it.   If I could go back in time I promise I wouldn't stay long ,but just long enough to take a few memories and relive them.   

I going to come back home one last time deep down south and I'm going to relive every moment I had with you.   Thank you for building such a strong house ,because no matter what happened to it its still standing and holding on in this world which has changed sinced you left.   I had to remodel a few times to stay current ,but its still your house.   I just wanted to say I love you.   

So I can never forget your voice. 

 

 

 

 
Donte BrownComment