Travelers Depressions

 

Hello stranger its me again.   I know I can always count on you to be there when 'm going threw these emotions.   Today the conversation is about the travelers depression I feel I just need a moment of your time.   

As I sit here in my room I start to get this anxiety as if I'm waiting for something bad to happen.   My stomach is consistantly turning thinking to myself should I just sleep on my bathroom floor that way I would be close to the toilet if I should feel the need to throw up.   I'm realizing travelers depression and depression has the same effect only thing that is different is the reason for me feeling depressed.   The idea of death, loneliness, sorrow is with me again keeping me company I really hate it when they come over to visit me ,because they always come unannounced and the energy they bring is very unpleasant.   This group of friends I have made brings nothing positive to my life ,but yet I still continue to sit in silence while they speak to me.   Telling me that no one cares about me, I'm alone in life and no one would miss me if something should happen, kill myself.   I know that if I sit here and do not respond EVENTUALLY they will get bored and leave ,but the hardest thing is sitting here and not breaking down mentally and keeping myself composed.   Moments like this one I just want to cry I want to end everything about my self and pray that I will come back into a life where I have no memory of my previous one.   The only thing I can do is just sit here and hope they leave soon.