Everyone knows that getting tested is every gay man worse fear. Either it's the shame walk because your walking in the clinic, or maybe seeing all the medical professional walking around makes everything more real. I see the commericals and how they say know your stauts ,but what they do not say is how will knowing my status change my life? I've been there and I'm here to say I had the same line of thinking. I remember speaking with my best friend about this situation fearful already claiming the virus before knowing if i was positive or not. I wasn't asking who's going to want me I was asking how am I going to travel the world and continue to make changes? My biggest fear is being held back having to figure out how I'm going to pay for medicine, find insurance, and travel at the drop of a dime. At the end of the day whatever your reason for being fearful of contracting the virus is a valid reason. I'm going to share my story H.I.V story...
I met someone he was fun and something different so we got together and did some adult things. I didn't know this person was positive so I assumed everything was clear until after we finished and I asked him in a joking tone "Do you have H.I.V?" At first he seemed a little hesitant to reply and than I asked again this time with a serious tone. "Are you H.I.V positive." He replied "yes" now I've been in this situation before ,but what makes this time different is that this person didn't tell me and we didn't use any protection. After that he and I went our ways and I went to get started on (PREP) come to find out the clinic was closed so I had to wait. Once Tuesday came I found out I was outside my window period and I was told I have to wait 30 days and pray my body fights like it's suppose to. Maybe this was the universe punishing me these 30 days because it was the longest 30 days in my life. Everyday checking my neck, armpits, and private area for any glands that are swollen. Every sneeze I associated with having it and I felt like I needed to prepare myself for the worse.
30 days later.
As they pricked my finger I waited and started thinking about how I could've avoided this. I was thinking how would I tell my family and how would this effect them. Anyone who been tested knows that 20 minute wait is so stressful it can cause a heart attack. While I was waiting they asked if I wanted to get checked for anything else and I replied "EVERYTHING!!"
So they drew blood and I must say time went by faster ,but even in fear of the unknown I felt like a responsible adult taking my health into my hands and doing what I had to do to make sure I will be okay. See we get caught up in what everyone else is going to think about us we forget we have to live with ourselves not them. Yes it is scary facing the unknown and I know at times you rather just not know the truth ,but knowing the truth will allow you to be able to start getting treatment early. My best friend said to me "Donte' at least if you have it you caught it early". These words were hard for me to hear because I wanted to hear everything is going to be fine and not face reality. But my BestFriend made sure I seen the other side to that coin that if things turn out for the worse that I have to be ready for it. So I sucked up my fears and walked into the doctor office once my name was called and said "what are my results?"
Here it is folk I came back H.I.V negative I didn't feel like rejoicing at all because so many sat in this same chair and had their lives altered because of a different result. I did feel a since of relief ,but I felt more sorrow for the people who luck did run out who didn't asks for this. So all I can do is live my life by practicing what I preach. So remember when in doupt just get checked.