Adonis V.S. Donte'

Hello stranger it's been a while... 


I know I haven't visited you like I use to ,but in my defense it's because I wanted to be happy I got so caught up in the progression of my life that I was to busy to feel sad for myself. I guess it comes in waves huh? One moment I was feeling so great about the direction of my life and man did it feel good. Than all of a sudden it stopped and just like that I was down and out feeling as if the direction that I was going is no longer for me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know life is not going to be easy and that I should be ready to handle that. But some things has happened recently that made me start thinking it's best to stick only to myself this world that I know it has changed and since traveling I have changed the world, the people, the life I once lived and who I am today seems to never be able to come to terms that things has changed. It's like being in a relationship where both people are unhappy ,but stays together because neither wants to feel the hurt of leaving. I have tried to be the best me and I have realized that the person who I am is having a hard time adjusting to people who lives the life I have once lived. It never seems to work out when meeting new people either their mental level doesn't simulate me or that I find myself feeling I have to compromise. Funny thing is when I find someone who is smart, funny, and charming I don't believe that they can be interested in me and that's where the disconnect comes into play. The old me "Adonis" many knows me by was fearless, brave, smart, and sexy he he believed in everything he did and didn't care about the feelings if others as long as he is happy vs "Donte" who I am today who is mindful of others. It's the quintessential meaning of man vs self conflict. How do I channel the old me so he and Donte can talk and figure out a way both can coexist without one taking over the other? Something have to change because I feel the way my life is going that there will not be room for both if a dialogue isn't established. Both has aspects needed to complete me as a person because Donte Adonis Brown is my real name and you cannot have one without the other. Both are dominant, self-sufficient, and independent so this this meeting is already set up for destruction.