Am I overweight? (BODY SHAMING)
One would think sitting back on the beach having a few cold drinks would be the best living that they could experience. I will not say they are wrong ,but what they don't tell you is all the weight you will gain, how much eating you would do, and there isn't much activity to lose any weight. Since moving to Hawaii I have went up in jeans sizes at first I laughed and said okay "when in Rome." It wasn't until a few days ago when I realized I leave in a few months and the pressure of the gay lifestyle, social norm, and "facebook/IG model" got me in my feelings. It started to hit me I left the mainland wearing a size 30-32 to now wearing a 34-36 depending on the jean cut.
Now I know we all have some body image issues ,but I never had this much weight on me since I was a kid and now to have it back again I feel bad how did I allow myself to become overweight? As smart as I am I couldn't put down the fried chicken and eat a salad. I'm not even home yet and the pressure of the social norms are already effecting me. Since moving to Hawaii everyone for he most part has a little weight to them no one cares about the best clothes because for one its to dame hot to care and secondly flip flops, tank tops, and bored shorts are way more comfortable (let's just be real). This weight issues thing I'm going through really has me a little nervous about returning home where everyone mind set is very well adjusted to a way of living that is consumed with material things that makes them feel worthy when in really its keeping them in debt. Or driving nice cars ,but behind on the rent how do I return to a place where everything is show but no one wants to tell the truth. Everyone wants to been seen as better so they do whatever they can to look a part that they cannot either afford or handle? I guess many would say don't come back stay tucked away you made it out! But I have to come back I have to keep moving because being stealth was never for me I guess I'll lose the weight when I return home trying to fit into the lifestyle or trying to look beautiful for someone who already had many beautiful men before who is really hoping for someone to be their selves ,but because he is to nervous of being judged he repeats and perpetuate this body shaming culture, or I'm not good enough unless I'm slim mentality. The stress will help me shed weight. Now thinking about it I gained the weight because I have very low stress here. No crime, no guns, no killings where everyone tries to live in peace and respects each other I was able to live life and not be judged by the way my body looks. I am free so I should kiss my tiger strips, hug myself, and just be happy buying bigger clothes. So yeah I may be a little overweight ,but I'm learning to love the new me.